I Want My Daddy: Scared and Alone, Little Ethan Just Needs to Be Loved

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I lost my father April 20th 2020. I am 28. I am currently doing a placement in the UK, my mother and boyfriend live in Canada, and my father was visiting Poland (he was there for many many months prior and fairly healthy) when he suddenly died. Due to the pandemic I couldn’t be with my mom in Canada, or even go to my dad’s funeral in Poland. I was their only child. I watched his funeral over WhatsApp video on my phone in the UK, attempting to show the screen to my over FT on my computer. I miss my dad so much. I miss when he’d sing his favorite song in the kitchen, I miss the funny faces he would make or the places he would take us.

People forget you are grieving. They offer their condolences in the first few weeks, sure, but not too long after that, they just get on with their lives, and it hurts. But don’t take it to heart too much, it’s just the way people are. It doesn’t take away from what you are experiencing at all. Thank you for sharing your story and I’m sorry for your loss. Reading the comments gives me some comfort, knowing I’m not alone. It’s been 11 years since my mother died. I held her hand while she died. She had been in poor health (and attitude) for years. My grief was not really like anything described here. Mostly I was happy for her to finally be free of the emotional pain and physical struggles she’d been suffering with.I don’t know what I feel most of the time. It’s more than feeling empty. We were so similar that I feel like nothing explains my existence anymore. depends on a few situations, for example, who lives in the house? Is it just you and your dad? If so than maybe at night time you could go into his room, say u jad a nightmare or your cold or something, just wear a shirt with no undies or bra, and when your under the covers with him you could rub against his leg? Or "accidently" touch his lower area lol anyway hope this gives you ideas.. It was loneliness that brought us together. I know most of you will judge me for what I did, but you don't understand what it was like. I mean I had some friends and I did extracurriculars and such, but I was so lonely. He understood me. We talked about everything from baseball to the new cars that the wealthy people were driving down in Mobile. He was 48. I was 16. We were both lonely and things just began to happen. When life has been tough, and I’ve needed his strength and his guidance, I’ve felt so lost and alone. But slowly I’ve learned to live with my father’s spirit inside me, and if I’m completely honest, I usually know what he would say or want me to do even though he’s not here to say it. Simple things like my dad being able to wear a suit on his day were made so difficult due to his cause of passing.

And the last days of my father’s life my mom had a terrible fight with us and I blame her and myself.October 2016 dad takes a bad turn, cancer has spread all over not long left a couple of hours spending hours makeing sure hes comfy giving everything he wants the random meals ice lollies were his fave at this point, mcmillan advised to give morphine end of life care. Any guilt I had was gone. Any confusion I had was gone. I wanted him to ravage me. My Daddy took my virginity that night & he knew it. Thank you for sharing your post. And to those who are willing to share their stories of their dearly departed fathers. My advice to all going through the now is stay strong. You are 100x stronger than you think. Also, there are so many people over the years who have shared stories with me about similar experiences. There will be many people you will meet also. This will help ease the pain. And its ok to cry. Even all these years later, at least 3-4 times a year I have a moment. This was my life. You have to understand why i chose to live like this. You have to understand the feeling of freedom & love that Daddy gave me. I wasn't alone anymore. I didn't have to depend on my parents to love me. Daddy became like my father. I guess really he became my father. The man who hit me when I'd walk at 2 AM wasn't my father.